We Just Fit
by Crystal Fissure
Summary: Adam contemplates Clare and Eli's growing relationship and wonders what that could mean for their friendship. Will they ever be the same? Oneshot x Adam's POV x Major hints of EClare


**A/N: This one... I'm very skeptical about. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. Plus, I've never done first person POVs before. Eh... I just don't know what to make of it. O_o I know I said I wouldn't write another angst after my last one but this one just came out angsty. In any case, I NEED EClare fluff before October, especially after the very disappointing MuchMusic promo. All we get out of it is Alli going batty and a picture of Eli clapping his hands. -_- Hopefully I'll have one last oneshot written by then. After this... it better be the fluffiest fluff this website has ever seen. -_-**

**This story is dedicated to verbal acuity. I promised I'd write her an EClAdam a while back. I'm just praying this story is good enough for her eyes. Like I said, I don't know what to make of it.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, you'd know it. Trust me XD**

* * *

Do you know my name?

Probably, if you've heard the teacher yell it out in class. But that only applies to students who share the same classes as me. Maybe your friends share a classroom with me and muttered something to you during lunch about that short kid who sits in front of them and always seems to keep to himself. And if every time your friends would talk about me, the short boy who wears oversized clothes, you would scoff at them and wonder how this is any concern of yours, then I severely wonder why the hell you're even reading this.

My name is Adam Torres and, like you, I have a story.

The woman who is sitting in the front seat, driving me and my brother to school? That's my mom. If you asked _her_ what my name was, she'd give you a different answer.

Gracie.

I spit on that name. Gracie ruined my life. She was a sweet girl with a positive outlook on life but she doesn't exist anymore. She hurt me in a way that I cannot describe. I _had_ to get rid of her. She would have been the death of me.

Gracie wasn't my sister; nor my cousin or some distant relative twice removed. Gracie is me. More so, Gracie _was_ me. Make sense? Didn't think so.

I am what they call a transgender. A boy trapped in a girl's body. Born Adam, trapped behind Gracie's looming shadow. She destroyed me, that Gracie. She made me feel caged, imprisoned, a novelty act locked up behind steel bars and feeling as discarded as an old pair of socks. But I wouldn't have it… Adam won over Gracie in the end. She's history. Adam is free.

As free as society would let him be.

This is the whole reason why we keep jumping from one school to another; people always found out the truth. I may be Adam but it never sat well with anyone that I _used_ to be Gracie. When the school would find out, mom would have a talk with the school board. Next thing I knew, me and my brother would be packing up our lockers and looking for a new place to pursue whatever education we had. Drew was always ok about it. He merely put on a song and dance about how he transferred just for a chance to be on that school's football team. Oddly enough, people bought his story. Hypocrites.

Mom was about to do it again when the kids of Degrassi found out. Drew already had his locker cleaned out. I would have too had it been any other ordinary school. But… I rejected. There was something different about this school. Something that was well worth the awkward glances I would constantly get from frightened students in the hallway, their eyes burning to ask me a million embarrassing questions along with the death glares I would get from bullies and close-minded jerks.

I had _friends_ here. Real ones. Friends that wouldn't cringe at the thought that, underneath it all, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body. They didn't see me as some mutated hermaphrodite. They saw me as Adam. Just Adam.

Eli & Clare. They _get_ it.

I can't tell you how Eli and I became friends. Honestly, I don't even know how it happened. We met during a contest. All we had to do was keep our hands on a car and the winner walked away with four tickets to the concert of the _century_. It was getting late when he and I decided to split the tickets. Things just took their course from there. I found myself with a friend who didn't cower at my stupid comments, for a change. Not like _his_ were any better. I mean, come on, who quotes Michael Jackson? We were meant to be friends.

Clare was kind of an add-on; the toy that came with the Goldsworthy happy meal. Nah, forget that last statement… Clare was more than some cheap plastic at a fast food restaurant. She began spending more and more time with us since she and Eli were English partners. I would have minded at first but… my gut feeling told me to try and appreciate her; that she would mean much more to me than I thought. Normally, I would be scared to hear little voices in my head. Oddly enough, this one was right. Clare was the one to help Adam escape his prison; she was the one who gave Adam the courage to fight off Gracie, banishing her to the shadows that held him prisoner.

Clare found me burning my skin one day; it was easier to take my rage out on myself when Gracie was in control. And with a few words of encouragement, she changed me. Forever. Adam doesn't run away anymore. I am proud to be Adam. Thanks, Clare.

Eli and Clare know who I am and accept me for it. How could I possibly leave this school now?

Eli, Clare and Adam. The perfect friendship. We just _fit_.

How does that song go again? Oh, that's right: _All good things come to an end._ Life is delightfully ironic.

Clare and Eli skipped class one day. God knows what they did. I thought they were just sick. What do you want from me? I have the attention span of a fucking goldfish. Did you honestly think I sat around my room, panicking as to how BOTH my friends didn't show up to class? It was flu season!

But since then… something changed between them.

Clare started swooning at the sight of him, staring at the back of his head in English class with love and adoration. I liked to think she had taped a picture of a handsome actor behind his head and was merely admiring the photograph. Keyword here: _liked_. I'm not an idiot. I know who those batting eyelashes were for.

Eli started acting quite differently too. I mean, he was still the friend he used to be with me; we still read comic books in the hallway and I still had my fill of guy time. There was just one, puny, minuscule difference: Clare could NOT be there. NOWHERE. We can't even talk about her. Trust me, I regretted it every time I did. He'd go into this trance or this state of… ugh, I don't want to say it… Cloud Nine? Yuck. Such a sappy place to be, especially for Eli. And Clare was _constantly_ there. We were all in English class together, we spent lunch breaks together, we even fucking _walked_ home together when Eli was too preoccupied thinking about his cinnamon haired flower to fix that clunker he calls a car. We weren't Eli, Clare and Adam anymore. At least, it didn't feel that way to me. It seemed we were more along the lines of 'The Eli and Clare show with special guest, Adam'.

I used to scoff at those who used the term 'third wheel'. Some really awesome motorcycles had three wheels. How can that be a bad thing?

Now I know what they mean. _I'm_ the third wheel. And honestly? …it really, really sucks.

"Wake up, Dopey. Time for school!"

I felt a playful but hard punch on my shoulder. If I had any muscle, I'd show my brother a thing or two. He knows I'm lethal when he wakes me up from a nap.

"I feel more like Sleepy right now…" I muttered as I opened the door and stepped out into the autumn breeze.

"Well, you sound more like Grumpy," Drew retorted as he grabbed his football gear from the trunk of my mom's van. I rolled my eyes at him. I doubt he even deserved that eye roll. Maybe I _did_ feel a little grumpy. I had finally found friends who accepted me, _for a change_.

And I'm their third wheel. Beautiful.

I gave my mom the same goodbye wave I gave to her every morning, not bothering to wait for my brother to finish gushing about how he'll grace the family with his presence after he's done being a football legend. Hey, don't get me wrong. I love my brother. He's the best big brother any sibling could ever ask for. But, he's right. I guess I am grumpy.

Today, I am not in the mood to deal with this third wheel business. Ironically, I have English in the afternoon. Oh joy.

* * *

I really don't know how people sit through history and not fall asleep. Honestly, I think they're all hypocrites. They ramble to their friends about how history is so _damn boring_ and how they fell asleep in class when, in the end, I find myself being the only one in the class hopping aboard that train to Snoozeville. Since when was being a charlatan cool? I must have missed the memo.

Today I didn't fall asleep. Even if I had, I wouldn't have reported to Eli about it. I guess he _could_ take some credit for my lack of attentiveness in an otherwise tedious class. It's not like I actually _listened_. I was too busy thinking.

Did you know that, at first, I didn't care about this third wheel business? I guess the truth didn't hit me yet. But Clare and Eli's constant game of hide and seek was starting to _really_ get on my nerves. How the hell do you play hide and seek when both players are blind?

They were just… ah, what's the word… gross? Yeah, let's go with that. They were gross. In a cute, fuzzy bunnies and kittens and unicorns puking rainbows kind of way. She would bat her pretty eyelashes at him; and he would drop everything and swoon at her enticing eyes. Eli came off as this total badass when I first met him. To watch him crumble for a girl? Awkwardly hilarious.

Hey, I'm not a dramatic sadist, alright? I wouldn't have cared if they fell for each other. What pissed me off was the _waiting_. **Waiting for it to finally fucking happen**_**.**_ Flirting is the minor introduction to a romantic relationship. Introductions were a maximum of a hundred words long in a fictional story. In the Clare and Eli saga… well it felt more like the introduction was just dragging on and verging the two thousand word mark. Ms. Dawes would _not _approve.

They just kept… _flirting_. And neither was actually _taking_ the initiative to take the next step. I'm a total moron when it comes to love advice; but I do know a couple in _dire_ need of help when their stupidity is constantly shoved in my face every day of the week.

Eli told me about his ex-girlfriend one day… Julia. So _that's_ why I had to put up with this baloney on a daily basis? I would have cursed her name had I not felt so guilty. Apparently they had an argument one night that turned nasty. She rode off into the night on her bike and was hit by a car… died on the spot. Ouch… It may have been a year ago but he wasn't completely over it. He was also _madly_ in love with Clare. Alright, I'll cut him some slack. The poor guy's hurting. He needs a friend.

He also decided it would be best not to tell Clare about it. Big mistake, Elijah. Really? _You're_ the one who's head over heels in love with her and it seems I know more about her than you do. This is _Clare_ we're talking about.

The punch line? He was dead serious. The guy is amazingly smart. I will never understand how he was actually _surprised_ this mess blew up in his face. And if he so much as even _tried_ to blame me for anything, all hell would have broken loose. But of course, he's smart enough to know _that_. I think this new lovesick Eli is also lacking a few brain cells.

Come on, I think I deserve some credit. I _am_ the one who confronted Eli about how he should tell Clare. And I _know_ I promised him I wouldn't say a word to her about any of it but I still gave Clare his address so she can confront him herself. And **no**, I didn't _give in_ because she threatened to ruin my comics. That was merely an amusingly ironic turn of events. I _wanted_ her to confront him; I _wanted_ them to come to terms. They're my friends, for heaven's sake. And as much as I did not enjoy watching them gush at each other like puppies, I know there's something between them. They just needed a little encouragement.

They _did_ come to terms, eventually. The lovesick nonsense wasn't completely over, but at least it was more rational (and Eli managed to recover a few lost brain cells in the process). Clare agreed to give Eli space to recover and straighten out his feelings. And all was fine in the world. Plus, it was so much easier to keep my lunch down now that the 'We-are-madly-in-love-with-each-other-but-are-too-blind-to-see-it-so-we'll-just-be-cute-and-flirty-about-it' chapter in the Eli, Clare and Adam saga was over.

Dear Clare and Eli: **YOU'RE WELCOME**. Love, Adam.

I know I complained about being the third wheel for quite some time but, honestly? Clare and Eli have been there for me. Once, Eli started a bonfire for me and Clare invited my family to watch me finally rid myself of Gracie forever. They've done a lot for me. The least I could do is help them realize what they're too blind to see. So, I'll have to be a third wheel at some point. At the time, I didn't really care. Clare made some time for me while Eli and I used to spend some guy time at least one night a week. Even as a trio, it still felt right. Eli, Clare and Adam. We fit again.

You must be familiar with the term déjà vu? If not… well, I'm honestly disappointed. In any case, if you've been paying attention so far, what usually happens when the three of us have no problems in our relationship?

_All good things come to an end._

Good, you've been paying attention.

This isn't like before. This isn't a good friend trying to help his friends realize something they're too blind to see. This isn't some cute Saturday morning cartoon where the power of friendship gets the protagonists through their trials. This is a story about lies, deceit and duplicitous behaviour. And unlike my last ramble, this story doesn't have a happy ending.

Eli bailed on guy's night. It wouldn't have been a huge deal if I wasn't literally salivating at the mouth with anticipation for it. He said he had to study… fine, I understand. The guy's got finals coming out of his ears. So did I, except I don't procrastinate the way he does. Guy's night can wait.

That is, until that afternoon…

I went to _The Dot_. Don't ask why. My nerves were already shot as it is and my two best friends were gone for the day. Did I honestly need more coffee? Nah. I just wanted an excuse to stay out and actually convince myself I had a life.

I remember thinking that the little coffee shop was oddly empty for that time of day… and that the guy towering over the counter, placing his order looked a lot like someone I knew…

Oh… now I remember why (note the sarcasm). Because he _was_ someone I knew. Eli, what the hell? I thought he was studying!

"What are you doing here?" I asked abruptly, approaching him from behind, "I thought you had to study."

Eli jumped and quickly turned to face me, his eyes wide with fear as his mouth twisted into what seemed to be a smile or a smirk, as if he wasn't sure what expression to give me. Honestly? He looked like he had just robbed a bank. "H-hey! Uh… Yeah… I was…"

He sighed deeply and I couldn't help but think of the worst. He was hiding something. What the hell, Goldsworthy?

I looked away, towards one of the tables beside the window. I recognized his bag and his pile of books atop the table… what really threw me off was the person who occupied the chair in front of his hoard of useless schoolwork.

Clare, sweet Clare, the innocent girl whom I had formed a bond of friendship with and who just happened to be my infatuated best friend's love interest… waving at me gleefully, her grin spreading wider than the ocean as her pretty blue eyes poked through a few stray strands of cinnamon.

NEVER… had I been so upset to see this delightful creature.

"…I mean _we_ were studying…" Eli finished, confessing. Yeah… as if telling me the truth **NOW** would change anything. I felt my mouth drop open as I shifted my gaze between Clare and Eli. I wasn't really sure what to feel. All I knew was, if I didn't scream right now, I'd smash his stupid face in the counter.

Sensing my boiling anger, Eli decided to speak. "Clare and I just wanted some one-on-one time… to study."

He looked unsure of his last statement, as if he threw it in there to spare my feelings. Ass.

"So what, are you two, like, in love now or something?" I spat. Yeah, harsh, I know. It was either that or Goldsworthy walks away with another bloody lip. Sometimes I wish I did smash his head into the counter.

"Adam!" he interrupted me, "We're just friends…" It looked like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I'm not stupid. I know he has feelings for her.

"Yeah… and you don't want me around because I'm the third wheel," I retorted angrily, glaring at him as I watched his gaze shift from me to the floor. Good God. He didn't even remotely try to disagree. Then, that really _was_ the reason wasn't it? I'd be a third wheel to them. And here I thought _I_ was the one being emotional and dramatic. Fuck you, Eli.

"Guys don't do this to each other, Eli," I said, this time more calmly. Go for the heart. That's where it hurts.

"Dude, I'm sorry," he replied. Empty words. I'm not buying it.

"Whatever," I spat, "I'm leaving. Don't want to ruin your little _date_."

I added as much cyanide as I could into that last word before shoving him briskly aside as I left the café, the blood boiling in my veins. He lied to me. My best friend lied to me to get out of spending time with me. Correction: he lied to spend time with his _girlfriend_. I mean, it's bad enough I can hardly tear my brother away from Alli, I have to put up with my best friend too? I shouldn't have to! I shouldn't fucking have to! God, I should have just let my muscle spasm get the best of me and knock his thick head into the counter.

As I left the café, I remember turning to face the window, where I saw Clare staring back at me, looking worried and frightened. Oh, now she cares? When Eli and I were having our spat, all she could do was watch from the side with a happy little wave served with a smile. I glared at her through the window. Peacekeeper, my ass; more along the lines of a she-devil.

The bell suddenly rang, signifying the end of history class. I grabbed my books and angrily threw them into my bag, biting my lip to prevent me from yelling. How could they do this to me? How could they _fucking do this to me_?

I marched out of the classroom and towards my locker, glaring knives at those who stood in my way. I think I frightened a few students in the hallway. I don't care. Hypocrites, all of them. They know nothing.

I remember how Eli had tried to save me from Fitz. I had found myself drifting to him when Eli was being a jerk. I'm not an idiot. I knew my hanging out with Fitz would just make his blood boil. So, after receiving that offer from him to sit at his lunch table, the pieces just fell into place. I had Eli pining for my attention, afraid for my life and hoping to save me from the big, bad wolf. I could spend hours laughing at his stupidity. That is… until it got personal.

Fitz had crossed the line with me at some point, humiliating my gender. I picked a fight with him in the hallway once, to show him who he was dealing with. He challenged me to a fight after school to which, to my surprise, Eli attended. He gave me some baloney speech about how guys stick together and friends always look out for each other. I remember being happy for a split-second. Ok, I'll have to admit, it was a nice gesture. But it doesn't change anything. I'm still the third wheel.

Even after fighting off Fitz, I'm still the third wheel.

Eli and Clare have something special, almost magnetic. As much as it burns my tongue to say it, they're perfect together. I'm still the third wheel.

No matter what, I'm always the third wheel.

The third fucking wheel.

God, I wish I could smash something right now.

"Hey Adam!"

Fuck.

"Adam, hey!"

Go the fuck away before I punch you.

"Adam!" Eli called, placing a hand on my shoulder, "Dude, couldn't you hear me?"

I abruptly stopped when I felt his hand on my shoulder, halting me from escaping. I had just spent an entire period reminiscing about why I hated him. I think he was the last person I wanted to see right now. I turned to face him, clenching my fist to stop me from losing my mind.

"Yeah," I said quickly, not meeting his gaze.

He stared at me, looking very perplexed. Shit. He can see right through me, can't he? "Everything all right, man?"

Aw, damn you, Eli. I have every right to be angry with you and now you act all sweet and concerned? Spare me. "Yeah, I'm fine. Never better."

He nodded, still looking slightly anxious. "Miss out on a few hours of sleep?"

I nodded. He doesn't need to know I secretly want to ring his throat.

"Hello, boys."

A voice as sweet as honey, as soft as orchids that chimed like a songbird. Only one girl in this entire school referred to me and Eli as 'boys'. Clare made her way towards us, clutching her school books in her arms with a silly grin painted on her face, the bounce in her step matching the bounce in her curls. God, why was everybody so fucking cheerful today?

"Clare, let me carry your books," Eli suggested politely, stacking her books on top of his lone notebook, smiling the entire time. And so it begins…

For starters, Eli was _smiling_. That's rare. He usually smirks. Eli smiles when he's vulnerable, or whenever Clare was around. And Clare… well, they say the eyes are the window to the soul. Her eyes told countless stories of swoon and romance. God, the looks these two gave each other could write volumes. All of which would be classified in the sappy harlequin romance section. In any case, it made me nauseous to see them this way; gushing, sappy and completely love drunk. I want to puke.

And where does little old Adam fit into this equation? I decided to stay completely silent. How long will it be before they remember their _friend_ was among them?

"Why, thank you, Eli. Such a gentleman today. Should I be worried?" she asked playfully, keeping her eyes glued on his.

"Just a little," he answered, his smile growing wider. God, this man could _not_ flirt for his life. "So, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after school and work on our English assignment?"

Aw, look at you, Eli, asking your pretty girlfriend on a date. Nope, Adam's still not here. If I smacked you now, would you feel it? Or would you be too lovesick to notice?

She nodded, looking _much_ happier than she should be. "Sure, sounds great. Oh, by the way, I didn't understand your tweet last night. What's going on Friday?"

Ah, social networking… although I'm pissed as sin right now, any mention of the Internet always makes me slightly happier.

I smirked a bit, feeling a little euphoric. Well, at least he told her about Friday… Eli and I planned a guy's night this Friday. The first one in weeks. I'm pretty sure this need to break his face would disappear by then.

"Well, I was wondering if you would be willing to see a movie with me?" he asked, hopeful for her answer.

No way.

No _fucking_ way.

Am I crazy? No. This Friday was guy's night. I know it is, I ordered the goddamn movies, for Pete's sake! We confirmed this at least four times. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

I didn't hear what she said. I just saw her nod in agreement and him smiling with relief that she accepted. And just like that, Adam is out of the picture.

Just.

Like.

That.

I clenched both my fists to stop myself from screaming like a banshee. Wow, it sure was nice to know how much my supposed best friends really _cared_ about me. If I mattered in any way, why was it so easy for them to forget about me?

Nice to know where I stand in this messed up relationship. I should have figured as much. Triangles never last. Especially an isosceles, in which I am the angle that doesn't fit.

I was kidding myself. Eli, Clare and Adam _never_ fit. Maybe I was hoping that, for once, I found some real genuine friends. Had to learn the hard way, didn't I? Nothing's ever fucking easy for me.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically, practically fuming with rage.

Clare and Eli snapped out of their trance almost abruptly, turning to face me with confused looks. Oh, they're actually paying attention to me? **I'M SHOCKED.**

"I don't even know _how_ I put up with you for so long," I spat, adding fire and poison to my words, "I mean, I'm okay with being the third wheel. Honestly, it's not a problem. But friends don't lie or forget about each other. I'm obviously cramping your style. Don't worry, I'll disappear. Maybe that's more to your liking?"

I screamed the last few words. Some students who passed by us stopped to have a look at my temporary loss of sanity. Do they honestly fucking have nothing better to do?

I quickly shifted my gaze back and forth between them, fighting the urge to scream as hard as I could. How could they even _look_ at me the way they were now? They stared into my eyes; shell shocked, confused, lost… looking like innocent children who wonder what it was they did wrong. They don't even _know_ what they do to me, the amount of _shit_ I put up with every day. All because of _them_.

It's _their_ fault. They brought this upon me. And all they could do was stare at me with those puppy eyes? As if **I'm the one who's fucking insane!**

I hate them.

I hate Eli.

I hate Clare.

I fucking hate them.

I let a growl escape my lips as I turned to face the exit of the school, running as fast as my legs would carry me. I couldn't take them and their incessant crap anymore. I can take a hint. I know when I'm not wanted.

I felt slightly elated as I ran through the glass doors, feeling the rush of wind tickle my skin. It felt good to be outside. Had I stayed there another second, blood would have been spilled. I would have made sure of it.

* * *

Clare turned to face Eli, not certain what she should be feeling at a time like this. Her eyes were wide, looking sullen yet concerned, worried yet exasperated.

"Eli, what's wrong with Adam?" she asked firmly.

"How should I know?" he answered defensively.

Clare sighed angrily. "You speak to him more than I do! Didn't you pick up on anything?"

He let a soft sigh escape his lips as he gazed at the linoleum flooring beside her, deep in thought. Obviously, he was worried for his friend. He knew Adam was the type to explode in a fit of anger but he would never do it purposely; he had to be provoked. But what in God's name did he and Clare do wrong? All he did was ask her out on a date. Guys can do that when their friends are around, right? What's wrong with seeing a movie with the girl he likes on a Friday night?

Friday night. _Guy's night_.

Oh, crap.

Clare watched as he brought a hand to his eyes, his expression twisting with complete understanding and shame. "What is it?"

"Guy's night," he admitted, dropping his hand to his side, revealing a pair of humiliated emerald eyes, "I forgot about it. We had planned guy's night this Friday…"

She felt her jaw drop, staring at him in utter shock. "How could you forget?"

Eli smirked at her naïveté. "Do you have to ask?"

She gazed at him as his eyes bore into hers, attempting to reach the very depths of her soul. It couldn't be that difficult for him. He had admitted she was a very easy book to read when she let him look into the gemstones she had for eyes. She felt a slight twitch of her upper lip, fighting back a smile. She was surprised she could even do so, especially when the boy who had changed her life, the very one who would occasionally steal her breath away with a flash of his smirk, gazed into her eyes with love and admiration.

"We have to fix this," she said softly, smiling at him. Yes, it was nice to swoon at his perfect features and enticing demeanour. But, their friend was in trouble. Adam needed them now. His well-being came first and foremost.

Eli nodded understandingly, agreeing to every unspoken word her eyes would convey to him. "Yes. Let's go find him."

* * *

I slammed my bag atop a picnic table on the far side of the parking lot, not too far away from where the three of us had filmed our English assignment. Great. As if I needed another reminder as to how my life sucks.

I sat atop the table, burying my face in my hands. I knew this was coming. I fucking _knew_. There is never any room for Adam Torres. **Anywhere**. I don't mind loneliness; I'm independent, I can fend for myself. Rejection? That's a different story.

I actually _did_ mentally prepare myself for this, you know. The second Clare and Eli began their lovesick flirting, I knew it was downhill for our relationship. Heck, I thought I'd even be _nice_ about it and help them realize that they're madly in love with each other. Maybe I had hoped my gesture would count for something. I hate pity, I really do. Despise it, even. Yet, I was willing to take all the third wheel pity on the fucking planet for them. People always ditch their friends for their lovers. It's a subconscious instinct, almost primal. I knew it was only a matter of time.

And I only _thought_ I was prepared for it.

Imagine watching your best friends drift away from you, preoccupied by something you can't control. Do you have any best friends? No, I mean _real_ ones. The kind who would take a bullet for you if it came down to it. I thought I did.

I _knew_ I did.

I knew they were special when they helped me get past Gracie; when they helped me realize that I don't need to change to make the world happy. The convinced me that only those who can accept me are the ones who deserve me. They accepted me. They deserved my friendship.

That doesn't mean they can lie to me and forget about the fact that I fucking _existed_. This isn't about being a third wheel or about a failed attempt at spending guy time watching psychological thrillers with cheap popcorn.

This is about me finally finding a place where I belong with people I trust; and having them toss you out the door with nothing but the clothes on your back and a wallet full of loonies.

It is what I had always assumed: No matter where I go, I don't belong. I don't _fit_.

Eli, Clare and Adam. We don't fit.

Don't try and sympathize with your 'I-know-how-you-feel' crap, please? You don't know how I feel. You fucking don't. Shut your mouth; keep reading my… what is this, a diary? And, for God's sake, spare me your sympathy.

Maybe I shouldn't have protested when my mother had attempted to have me transfer schools. I already knew how it felt to be lonely. I didn't need to know the pain of rejection as well.

"Adam!"

They say you hear voices when you're spiralling out of control, consoling you and giving you advice. Never did I think I'd hear the she-devil's voice call my name.

"Adam!"

What the hell?

I tilted my head up slightly, glaring at the distance. I thought I had made my point _clear_. Or did they not get the message? I wished my eyes could spit fire. Maybe then Clare and Eli would know to keep their distance from me.

"Adam, what's going on?" Eli asked as they skidded to a halt beside me, their eyes filled with worry. He can fucking cry and whine like the emo ass he is, he's not getting an answer out of me.

"Spare me your sympathy. It's pathetic when you try to convince me you care," I spat.

"Please, Adam!" Clare beseeched, her voice faltering.

I looked into her eyes as I heard the crack in her voice. She sounded like she was struggling to speak. Her face portrayed nothing but worry and concern over my mental stability, her eyes glassy and damp. Was she fighting back tears?

I shifted my gaze to Eli, still glaring. He, too, looked worried. And oddly frightened. I remember seeing him this way once before, when he spoke to me about Julia. The hurt in his eyes, the sound of his voice, barely a whisper.

I softened my glare, turning my attention to Clare once more. I could see the faint outline of a single tear creep softly down her cheek as she watched me with a horrified look.

Was she… was she crying _for me_?

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I was…speechless. I was hurt, angry and absolutely furious with them naught but a minute ago. And now, as I watched their pleading eyes and pain-stricken gazes… I didn't know what to feel anymore.

I hate this. I fucking hate this.

"We're not going anywhere, Adam," Eli said softly, almost inaudibly, "Not until you let us help you."

I'm not a man of many words. Nor am I a sobbing, whiny asshole. But… I remember wishing I was able to break down and flip out without scarring my dignity. Impossible, I know. But maybe it was worth it.

"I can't take it anymore," I said softly after sighing deeply, "Eli, you lied to me to spend time with Clare. And Clare, come on, you've seen this going on for ages and haven't even attempted to try and fix it. I get it, okay? I get that the both of you have some amount of feelings for each other. I also understand that you may want to spend some time together without me. Go ahead, I'm cool with it. Don't lie to me about it. I'm just sick of always feeling like the third wheel. I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines and keeping my mouth shut when we all hang out together.

"But most of all… I hate the lying. And the forgetting. Lying to get out of the plans we made, constantly forgetting about me when it comes to you two... I can see I'm getting in the way, I'm not blind. I hate feeling like I'm constantly interfering. But I hate feeling rejected."

I took a quick intake of breath, ending my ramble before I had even gotten the chance to tell them the rest of my troubles. By the looks on their faces, I'd say they needed a minute to pause and take it all in before I continued.

To my surprise, Clare had exclaimed dotingly. "Adam!"

She hastily sat atop the picnic table beside me, grabbing my hand and cradling it in her grasp. "Don't ever think we'd toss you aside for anything!"

Eli followed suit, seating himself on my other side, placing an affectionate hand on my shoulder. "I need to apologize to you. I'm sorry I forgot about guy's night. It was a very stupid gesture on my part."

I stared at him, his gaze transfixed on me as well, expressionless but sincere. He really _did_ mean it.

I nodded. "It's okay."

"We could never forget you, Adam," Clare said earnestly, squeezing my hand, "You're our best friend. You mean the world to us."

"No matter what," Eli continued, "You're a part of us."

Wow… I didn't know what to say. So I did the next best thing; I smiled.

"And if anything ever does happen… between Eli and myself…" Clare said rather quietly, blushing scarlet, "You'll still be a part of us. We'll still be the best of friends."

I looked down, not wanting to meet their eyes. "I don't want to interfere in your relationship," I said truthfully, "But I don't want to be lied to… or rejected."

I abruptly raised my head when I heard Clare snickering beside me. I must have missed something; Eli probably smirked at her… or something along those lines.

"What an odd thing to be worried about. Right, Eli?" she asked, grinning widely and still laughing at some inside joke.

"Absolutely," he agreed.

I didn't know if I should play along or feel completely scared. If my friends were to temporarily lose their sanity, it never usually happened this quickly.

"Why not?" I asked shakily, afraid for the answer.

"Because that's never going to happen," he answered, tugging playfully at my shoulder.

I couldn't help but smile. I know… I was angry as all hell just a few minutes ago. But there is something I had failed to mention a while back. Something that should have been mentioned at the very beginning:

No matter how angry or depressed I felt… my friends were always able to put a smile on my face. _Always_.

Even if they were the cause of it. But this just a minor detail. Easily overlooked.

"Alright, I say we find a place to hang out," Eli said finally.

I gazed at him, perplexed. "Don't you two have English assignments to write?"

Clare rolled her eyes. "It's _just_ English. We have a friend in need who is much more important to us right now."

"…Thanks, guys…"

I could write a book about my friends, about how they're kind and caring yet drive me absolutely insane. And, honestly? I wouldn't have it any other way.

The three of us are misfits; rejects of society. We don't belong anywhere; we don't fit in. But together, we work just fine. We fit.

Eli, Clare and Adam. We just fit.

Do you know who I am?

My name is Adam Torres and I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for.

* * *

**This was... very emotionally hard to write. I've felt all of this at some point. It wasn't easy to salvage old feelings and write them out. It just made it all come back.**

**I'm still skeptical about it. Why don't you tell me what you thought about it? :D See that little button down there that says 'Review'? Come on, you know you want to press it! ^.^**


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